an Examen: 2020
The Daily Question at gratefulness.org provides a starting point for an examen for any year, and maybe especially a year like 2020. This week’s questions.
December 28: What is one thing you’re grateful to have learned this year?
December 30: What have you learned about yourself this past year?
December 31: What new insights are emerging for you?
For what am I most grateful? For what am I least grateful? These two questions form the spine of the book, Sleeping with Bread: Holding What Give You Life (Dennis Linn, Sheila Fabricant Linn, Matthew Linn SJ). It is a version of the daily examen which is an ancient reflection exercise. It is most likely practiced in some form by many of the world’s religions. St. Ignatius practiced a form of the examen twice a day and ritualized it into the Jesuit’s daily life. Taking many forms the simplest way to understand the practice is using the same questions to reflect on a day, a week, or even a year. With enough time, patience, and discipline the examen becomes like breathing.
I first encountered a form of the examen in college during a religion course on mysticism. Dr. Fort led the class through a guided meditation to give one a sample of a contemplative’s practice. A visit to a Zen temple was part of that class as well. Buddhism’s meditation as a way to empty oneself, letting go of ego and attachments influenced how I’ve thought and lived. It made more sense to me than beads, tongues, or other Christian mystical practices. I am a follower of Jesus who wrestles with Christian faith. I have many attachments or as Jesus would say, “You lack one thing.”
Randy, a friend and colleague, reminded me of the examen some years later as a resource for youth ministry as well as personal life. During the years youth have heard me ask, “When did you feel most connected today? When did you feel disconnected today? When are you pretty sure you saw a glimpse of God today?”
The coronavirus pandemic is an eclipse from which it will take a long time to emerge from its shadow.
The pandemic unveiled how fragile life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is in this republic that tries to practice democracy. But, I knew that.
Systemic political and economic accountability doesn’t exist right now.
I have a love-hate relationship with: routine, Christianity, money, and self. Is that balance?
Privilege takes many forms.
I’ve been watching, The Mandalorian. A spin off of the Star Wars universe that reminds me of a Clint Eastwood Western. Mandalorian is a way of life rather than a race of beings. Halfway through season one I remembered this quote from the film, The Kingdom of Heaven.
I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. I’ve seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves. And goodness – what God desires – is here [points to Balian’s head] and here [points to Balian’s heart] and by what you decide to do every day you will be a good man…or not.
Ridley Scott, Twentieth Century Fox, 2005.
Late in the film, Balian proclaims, “It is a kingdom of conscious or nothing.”
I don’t know what to make of this American experiment. There have been moments in 2020 when I’ve seen a collective conscious for the common good. Selfless nurses, doctors, chaplains, and first responders. Neighbor helping neighbor. Stranger consoling stranger.
You’ve probably seen it too. There is still good in us.
The turning of the calendar won’t magically make the change. I’ll have to do the honest examen and make alterations. This is the way.