Graduating high school seniors don’t ask me for advice very often. Those that I meet at summer camp or who serve on our Regional Youth Council receive the same words from year to year. “If you are going to attend college, choose a school that is at least six hours from home. If a phone call to parents can’t solve a problem, you figure out what kind of adult you are going to be. College or not, move out of your parent’s home if possible. If not, offer to pay rent.” This is particularly tough advice for youth, especially those whose parents are very, very involved in every aspect of their lives. Yes, it is also hard on parents who expect to be involved in their adult child’s “everyday” life. Yet, I think it is a solid jumping off point into adult life for the sheltered, helicoptered, and free range youth alike. Of course, in the time of Covid-19, those choices are harder, maybe limited, and a bit more frightening, to make.
I often suggest a movie or two they should see as newly minted adults. Why after graduation? Well, though cultural norms have changed, film and TV standards (ratings) with them, I’m still not comfortable suggesting a high school junior or senior see a “Rated-R” movie, without parental approval, even when a film illuminates issues or topics that are relevant no matter the historical context. During congregational ministry I took high school youth groups to “Rated-R” movies or showed them at youth group with parental permission and participation. The “adult” rating is not the sole factor. Not all of the films I suggest are “Rated-R.” Rather, they require the ability to wrestle with the nuance and complexity of human relationships and human systems at the macro and micro level. How does humanity do what is right because it is right no matter who may be watching or consequences of that choice – or not. How do I do what is right because it is right no matter who may be watching or consequences of that choice – or not. Or, as Anna discerns in Frozen II, “do the next right thing.”
This list has changed over the years. It is in no order of preference. This is what I’m suggesting to the class of 2020. Enough previews. Now, on with the show.
“I’m trying to free your mind.” (The Matrix, 1999)
“Everything decent has been done. All the great themes have been used up. Turned into theme parks.” (Pump Up the Volume, 1990)
The Mission, 1986
The Enemy Below, 1957
“I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. Holiness is in right action and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What God desires is here [points to head] and here [points to heart] and what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man – or not.” (Kingdom of Heaven, 2005)
Blazing Saddles, 1974
“My dear Ricky, I suspect that under that cynical shell, you’re at heart a sentimentalist…Oh, laugh if you will, but I happen to be familiar with your record. Let me point out just two items. In 1935, you ran guns to Ethiopia. In 1936, you fought in Spain on the Loyalists’ side.” Rick: And got well paid for it on both occasions. Captain Renault: The winning side would have paid you much better. (Casablanca, 1942)
Schindler’s List, 1993
Jesus of Montreal, 1989
“What do you see. The first thing that comes to your mind?” (Chocolat, 2001)
“It is unimaginably hard to do this—to live consciously, adultly, day in and day out.”(1)
This is the time of: end of semester tests, parties, invitations, measurements, proms, formals, special recognitions, special meals, gifts, cards, crowded schedules, and advice. Covid-19 (coronavirus) has changed, well, all of that and more. Little feels “normal.” The meaning of the rituals that mark the passage from one phase of life to another remains important. Drilling down on that core meaning is not as easy as we think, but we don’t have to make it harder than it already is for you. Graduates, yours is an experience no one wants for you; and we don’t want for us. Forgive me if I minimize your reality trying to protect you from the pain or make myself feel better because you are missing the rituals around graduation.
Many people relive their memories, embellished as happens through years of living, as we celebrate your achievement. Forgive me when my nostalgia overshadows your reality.
Some people you know, maybe one particular person, has invested in you and repaid a debt from long ago. Others are following an example set by someone who invested in them at your age. I’ve got a debt or two. I’m following an example set for me. I’m trusting you to give me, and the rest of us, a cue about the best way to honor your experience and achievement without the usual trappings of the graduation ritual. What would be meaningful to you? I’ve noticed you helping adults deal with our grief about your situation through your occasional Facebook post and Instagram smile. “Ah, it’s ok. I understand why it has to be this way. Sure, it’s disappointing, but I’m ok with it.” Graduates, you are setting an example for those older than you and younger than you.
Thank you for helping the world adjust to technology that connects. It has been part of your entire life. Your ability to form relationships, meaningful connections to others, using texting, snapping, and other portals is making this time more accessible for you. And, it is helping older adults discover a whole new world. Given all the required screen time that you have now, I don’t know if those apps are still an experience of subversive independence, but like generations before, you found a way to have your own space.
As you move through adult life, there will be many things you want to believe, or need to believe, to navigate this territory without a GPS enhanced map. The people that stood alongside you to this point are invested in the adult you will become, but the hard work is yours to do. To borrow from Yoda, “Remember what you have learned. Save you it can.” What has always been true, but feels more so now, is that you need a good, working moral compass for life. Missteps, mishaps, and mistakes will be made. Failure is one of the best teachers. During the journey through life you will need to recalibrate your moral compass. Sometimes more often than you think. Be sure the tools you use are made for your moral compass and not something else. Stay in touch with your experience of faith and religious beliefs. Proclaiming faith in Jesus is easy. Practicing Jesus’ way can lead to Truth about living, and give meaning to your life. But, Jesus’ way will set you against or apart from culture, friends, and family during life. So, what would Jesus do?
Finally, a pithy quote from a one of my favorite movies. If nothing else, remember these words, edited for inclusivity, from Hub McCann.
“Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a person needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; that love, true love, never dies… No matter if they’re true or not, a person should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.”(2)
The world is waiting to see what you do. Make us proud (no pressure).
Stay centered.
—– Notes 1. David Foster Wallace, This is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life. Little, Brown and Company (New York) 2009.
2. Tim McCanlies, “Secondhand Lions.” New Line Cinema 2003.